Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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