i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
