My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
