You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
