She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
