Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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