Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize