we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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