An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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