i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You ruined the universe
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
