And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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