You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
