you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
