I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
