It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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