I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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