i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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