What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
