Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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