Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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