some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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