I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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