don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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