why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
