I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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