no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
