she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
