the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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