she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have fence marks all over my body
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
