That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
