Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
