i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
