and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
