Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
