If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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