Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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