Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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