if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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