Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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