A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
