He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
