dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
