some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
