your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
