Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
