If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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