Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
