Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
