i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
