If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
