I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
