There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize