i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
