watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
