are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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