This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
