I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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