I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
