we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
