Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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