Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
