i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
