o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
