We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
