Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sobbing to NWA
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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