I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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