My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
