i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
